World Famous Christmas Fruit Cake

With Christmas approaching, I thought you might like to try out a world famous recipe for Christmas Fruit Cake.

INGREDIENTS:
1 cup water, 2 cups dried fruit, 1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. salt, 8 oz. mixed nuts
4 large eggs, 1 tsp. baking soda, juice of 1 lemon
1 bottle whiskey

METHOD:
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and check in the dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, prise it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Next sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.

Good luck with this.