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Kinkead Ridge
Funny Drinking Quotes |
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A penguin walks into a bar and orders a Dirty Martini. The bartender serves him and gives him back $5 change from a twenty. Against his will the bartender just stares at the penguin and finally says, “Excuse me for being impolite, but I’ve never seen a penguin in here before.” The penguin says, “With $15 martinis, you’ll never see another one.” "I
feel sorry for people who don't drink. When
they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as
they're
going to feel all day " WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most
people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "When
I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
up reading." WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you. "24
hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.
Coincidence? WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing. "When
we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we
commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So,
let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!" WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause
pregnancy. "Beer
is proof that God loves us and wants WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like a retard. "Without
question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you
that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza." WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell your friends over and over again that
you love them. To
some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support
Group. Salvation in a can! WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you can logically converse with
members of the opposite sex without
spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And
saving the best for last, as explained by
Cliff Clavin, of
Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff
Clavin was explaining the
"Well
ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of
buffalo can
only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This
natural selection is good for the herd as a
whole, because the general speed and health
of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In
much the same way, the human brain can only
operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it
attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
first. In this way, regular consumption of
beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you always feel smarter
after a few beers." WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you are whispering when you are not.
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