A computer message we can relate to:
When I wrote the wine label text for this year's releases, I found this HILARIOUS web site to generate silly tasting notes.
the bottom of the page, select Make a New Note, and generate text
like these. Have fun!
Rounded but equally over-oaked Merlot. Forcefully bites you with
hair-spray, morally superior slim jims and traces of orange jello. Drink now through 2011.
Ready to drink and overdone Syrah. Essences of prune, acidic
monster carrot and scant clay. Drink now through whenever the cows
Intense but lackluster Cabernet. Reminiscent of peach-pit, arcane
seedless watermelon and dainty beef. Drink now through 2012.
Creepy and whimsical Rose. Starts with pear, limp bourbon and
semi-weak toast. Drink now through April.
Rich and smokey almost unripe Gamay. Detectable toast, middle-aged
lime and corpulent juniper. Drink now through never.
Words on Wine:
Famous quotes throughout history about wine. Click
night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.
riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way
and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.
Bottle of Merlot
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of
Merlot to an unusually attractive woman
sitting alone at a table in a cozy little
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman
and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is
seated over there.'.... and indicated the
sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few
seconds, not looking at the man, then
decided to send a reply to him by a note..
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a
response, took the note from her and
conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this
bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
garage, a million dollars in the bank and
'7' inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to
compose one of his own in return. He folded
the note, handed it to the waiter and
instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
'Just to let you know things aren't always
what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari
Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a
Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have
beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a
10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is
over twenty million dollars in my bank
account and portfolio. But, not even for a
woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off
three inches. Just send the bottle back'
For women only:
What A Real Man
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels as though
she's the most beautiful woman in the
room and will enable her to be the most
confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible??
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
That's what wine does...
when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then
I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all
of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they
might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink
this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry
about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
more funny drinking quotes.